Tough to see the forest through the trees

I have been dreading writing this again. A few people have asked why I no longer write. The short answer I gave was, "Really? I have FOUR kids now; when do I have time?" Although there is some validity to that response, it really was not at the crux of the "why" I have not been writing. I am a pretty private person in that when I have some tough things in my life I really don't share these thoughts with anyone. So, it is with some doubt that I am going to write down the things I have been experiencing since the last posting BUT the reason I am sharing is for those people who may stumble across this blog in their own adoption journey. It is also for those friends and family who do follow this and think I have been responding to them in a different way than usual.
I have known that I was stuggling with a flurry of regret, guilt, anger, and depression since things settled down from returning home from Russia. In some ways it was like the "baby blues" in that I had longed for the boys for so long and completed so many obstacle courses in order to bring them home. Of course, reality bites at times. (This is a little of a shout out to an old-school movie with Winona Ryder, Ben Stiller, and Ethan Hawke). In our preparation we took some on-line trainings for how to deal with all of the difficulties of being an adoptive parent. Our social worker educated us as well on "what to expect". I found that it has not really been the adoption part which has been most difficult, but really it has been the expansion from our family of four to a family of six. I think that this process has impacted most my relationship with the girls. For Samantha, I think the adoption has mostly been a wonderful thing as my limited availabilty at times has forced her to become more independent and better with her time-management skills. She struggles at time with things that a pre-adolescent should struggle with, and also continues with her battle to overcome the challenges of living with diabetes. She is growing into a beautiful young lady. I have several "growing pains" stories I would love to share, but will spare her the embarrasment until she may be a little older and can appreciate the humor in it. Callie, on the other hand, is the child I feel has been most cheated by my increased parenting demands. She truly is my ray of sunshine as she barrels into my legs hugging me when I get home from work, smiles with her gap-toothed grin as her eyes twinkle, and seems to remain positive through most kindergarten challenges. She has transformed into a caring big sister for the boys and remains patient.... UNLESS they eat her Tic Tacs... then all bets are off. She is still my cuddle bug, even when I have several other little bugs vying for some time.
Regret. This is not something someone can live a healthy, well-adjusted life as it will suffocate you. I have figured out that I regret not being appreciative of our lives pre-adoption. We actually had a pretty nice life. Although we were never "rolling in the dough" we could pick up a pizza and not have to worry about paying the power bill. After the regret for our prior life follows guilt. The guilt creeps in through the cracks like the wispy black smoke of the Dementors (Harry Potter fans will get this analogy for those of you non-HP fans so sorry). Guilt is felt because my inner voice is saying, "Hey, lady, you just spent a ton of money and countless hours and asked your family to make huge sacrifices and you are thinking everything is not WONDERFUL???? What is wrong with you??"
Anger. This arises when I feel overwhelmed by it all and I revert back to some of the primary emotions humans encounter. I get angry that I feel that I have lost "me" and that everything is tied into the never-ending schedule of "stuff" that comes along with the family. I get angry that I cannot take time to do things that I want to do. I become angry with Chad that he still has time to do some of the things he enjoys when I am still standing on my feet doing my third job that does not pay me (laundry, cleaning ears, etc.)As a disclaimer, he does work 12 hour days six days a week, with a two hour commute and cooks dinner several nights a week. This anger is part of the vicious cycle that then leads back to guilt. I should not feel this way as I am a mother and as Callie asked yesterday yes, I would throw myself in front of a bullet for my children. Actually, the conversation went thus; Mom, I know no one would ever want to shoot me, but if someone did try, I know you would throw yourself in front of me right?
Depression. Anger forced inward. I also equate this with feeling like I am not good enough to accomplish all of things a "good" mom and wife does. Sometimes I need to get out of my own head for a while to recognize everyone feels a sense of inadequacy at times. I know I am my worst critic (with maybe Samantha being a close second).

In summarization, the fog dissipated in my thinking when I was sick a couple of weeks ago and had to remain in bed for several days. I went to my doctor and she asked how things were going. Wrong question when I was on "E" in my emotional tank and my guard was lowered since I felt so crappy. I told her that I was going to respond with the socially accepted answer but reality was I needed a break and it was too bad it took near pneumonia for me to get it. She told me something that allowed me to cut myself a break. And that is that we not only have increased our family but adopting the boys being so close in age it is very much like raising twins. Zing! An electric current ran through my body. Her statement allowed me to rationalize all of the different things I was feeling and that really it was all pretty normal. Chad also said something the other day that made sense too. Callie had her "BFF" spend the night for her first sleepover. I wanted the house to look nice so the BFF's mother would not judge us and allow her daughter to return as Callie really seems to like her friend. When I asked Chad to come into the living room and wait for the mother to come inside to meet her he stated, "She's going to know we aren't normal no matter what you do". Thus, what really is the "normal" family? What is really the "normal" adoptive family? What really is a "normal" woman whom is a mother?

I will leave things with this interaction I had with Pasha this morning. I was hustling to get the boys out to the car this morning and told them to head on out while I gathered a few things. Pasha stood in the doorway and said, "Mom, I am going to wait for you forever". I asked him why he was going to wait for me as he could head out to the car. He thought for a minute and said, "I wait... because you clean". He probably did not have the language to tell me that he was going to wait for me because he thought it was the nice thing to do. Apparently, he knows I love him because I clean. But please, call before you stop by so I can hurriedly hide things!

Upcoming events

Today is the calm before the storm and a VERY big weekend in the Lydic family. My little sister is getting married tomorrow. All of us with the exception of Chad are in the wedding. I am the matron of honor, and today when I was supposed to be listening to a presentation at work I was writing my toast for the reception. I think it may a bit long in comparison to most toasts but I am going to milk it for all its worth as it will be one of the few times in my life that I can say how awesome my sister is and how much I love her. The boys are not going to know what hit them. Callie is looking forward to her moment in the limelight with her beautiful princess dress. This morning on the way to work Sam and I were in the car alone. She shared she was anxious that the wedding would not turn out to be perfect. I thought that maybe this would be the MOMENT to give her some sage advice on her ideas of something not being wonderful if it wasn't perfect or something went wrong. I said that to strive for perfection is a noble thing, but to expect perfection leads to a lot of disappointments. She wants everything to go the way Jessica wants; this led to the discussion of how things may not transpire the way Samantha wants them. For example, the music may not be to her liking but that is not important as it is the music Jess and Matt chose for their reception.
I have caught the respiratory illness that Chad has suffered with for the last week. I guess I need to stop by the urgent care clinic on the way home and hope the physician feels what I have can be treated by a wonder drug which will make me feel better by tomorrow afternoon. I am not hopeful this would be the case, but I am trying to be optimistic. Either way, I will put on a happy face because it is a very important day for one of the most important people in my life. I will post pictures from the wedding soon.

Dog days of summer

This week has been wonderful as it is full blown summer. I LOVE summer. We have enjoyed being outdoors every afternoon this week with the kids. A family friend gave us a sprinkler and the kids enjoyed it very much. It was in the shape of a hula hoop and sprayed quite a bit of water in all directions. Initially the boys wanted to run by the sprinkler and eventually Ruslan enjoyed getting his head completely wet. They enjoyed watching the girls run through the center of it. Ruslan let Sam carry him on her back through the middle and then he ran through it several times. Pasha really doesn't like to have his face get wet so he preferred to watch everyone else run through. The water was really cold (from our well) so I didn't really blame him for his reluctance. I posted a few pictures in this blog from their sprinkler experience. Another day we broke out the Slip and Slide we had for the kids. Jessica gave it to Sam for a birthday gift and I never got around to opening it. We have to be careful in using sprinklers and things as our well can get kind of low and we don't want to have to haul water as that gets really expensive. Since we have had so much rain, our water level is pretty good and we can let the kids enjoy the sprinklers on these really hot days. The problem that occurs is that the boys think that this activity is something we can do every afternoon after their nap. The few times this week we couldn't play in the water outside Ruslan whined and cried until I could distract him with another activity.

Samantha began her softball season this week too. We had three games this week and the boys have been pretty well behaved. They really like that they get M & Ms and we like it since it keeps them occupied. Pasha likes to say "boom" when they hit the ball.

We learned this week that the boys do use foul language. Thursday morning during breakfast Pasha told me he did not like the breakfast I had prepared for him and it tasted like poop. The only English word he used was "poop". Samantha kept repeating words the boys said and the boys would laugh hysterically. I asked her on the way to the babysitter's to please stop because she didn't know what she was repeating. Sure enough, my wise friend Sonia had Sam look up online a translation of the words and they were curse words. Sonia caught Pasha saying one of the words later and told him "no". The jig was up buddy. Later in the afternoon at home he tried it here and he got the same response from me. Hopefully that is the end of that business.

We have another busy week of heading to Macomb for therapy in the mornings and then getting haircuts and fittings for the wedding next weekend. I hope the wedding is enjoyable for everyone. I think it will be nice to have some family pictures taken of us all dressed up.

I will post more in the next few days with updates on our routines and such. Things are going much better than we could have ever hoped. The boys are enjoying the special attention they get at their grandparents too. I will leave things with that because I have to rinse out the hair color from my head and then go to bed. My life is so full and every night I lie my head on the pillow I am thankful for taking a chance on going half way around the world to meet two little boys we had only dreamed of ever meeting.

Chocolate lovers unite

We made it through my first week back to work of half days. Although I have to still get up earlier than I would like, things went fairly smoothly. Friday night my sister, mom, Sam and I met up with Jess and two of her friends for dinner at Sully’s in Peoria. It hadn’t changed much since my early to mid 20s when it was a semi-regular hangout for me. We were there early enough that we completely missed the “in crowd”. I had wanted to stay and go out with Jess and her friends but this mom of four is snoozing by 10. Either way I would be awakened early by the boys. It ended up that Jess said Peoria was kind of dead that night so I didn’t miss out on much. Chad woke up pretty sick Saturday morning so I did my best to keep the boys occupied until after 10am so he could sleep. When he woke up he had the sexiest voice (his cold lowered his pitch quite a bit… think Sam Eliot) so I asked him to keep talking to me all morning long.
We headed into Galesburg to get groceries and take the boys to Ducky’s for their fittings for the wedding. They looked so handsome in the tuxedo, and were so proud when we told them how handsome they were. Chad took some pictures with his phone and sent them to family. It was really hot that day so after their naps I hooked up the sprinkler for them. While they were napping I finished reading a book I had started on the way back from Russia. It was a pretty good and well written story about a mother whom struggled to get beyond a mistake she had made in her youth but in the end determined that she was in control of her destiny and was not saved by her husband, father, or anyone else. She did it all herself. It was kind of refreshing to read a novel about a woman’s self-discovery.
Saturday night Chad’s parents came over for dinner. Earlier in the afternoon I made some cupcakes for dessert. The boys were VERY interested in watching me cook. They are pretty intrigued by all of the different appliances we have in the house. I am pretty certain they had never seen a washing machine, dishwasher, or stove before. Is it a bad thing that I didn’t offer them the beaters to lick? Yes, I licked them both myself quickly while they were playing with their trucks in the dining room not paying attention to me. While I did this, I thought back to the story I have been told of a similar behavior I displayed as a young child. I was about four I think (I can’t remember the incident but have heard of it many times) and I went to the next door neighbors house to play. The mother came to the door and found me standing there with a King-sized bag of M & Ms. She told me I couldn’t come in to play unless I planned on sharing my candy with everyone. Now, if you are a chocolate lover such as myself, what would you do? Yep, I stuffed the remainder of the bag into my mouth. The next thing that happened (according to the story) was that I began to choke, requiring the mom to do a finger sweep of mouth. I guess I didn’t really learn my lesson as here I was at 37 years of age, standing over the sink, licking the beaters clean since I didn’t want to share with my sons. The really bad part is that I put thought into the situation… I mean, if I let them do it this one time, they are always going to want to lick them. Why start now? I ended up feeling really bad about not sharing. I did feel better when I gave them their first cupcake with frosting and sprinkles. The smiles on their faces and their glistening eyes portrayed sheer joy. It really is the little things. Maybe in the future I will wait until they go to bed so I don’t have to deal with the guilt.

Contemplating name change

I have not really investigated all of the bells and whistles with blogspot, but I am considering trying to figure out how to change the name of my blog. Maybe I just need to switch to starting a new blog. I don't know. I was just thinking tonight that Gipsonfamilyadoption is really now simply Gipsonfamilytryingtofigureouthowtobeafamilywiththenewadditions. Hmm, that would be a pain to type. Today was day two of my return to half days and bringing all of the kids with me. The kids were not quite as quick to wake this morning but the timing still worked out okay. I changed the carseat for Ruslan to a full booster car seat with a back as he has been putting the shoulder strap behind him because he does not like it across his chest. So, he began to cry shortly after leaving Cameron and cried hard (his typical way of crying it is all out or nothing) all the way to Roseville. I spoke to him both in English and Russian and had the girls show him how they wore their shoulder straps and that his brother was wearing his shoulder strap as well. I double-checked to make sure the shoulder strap was not too tight. It fit just the way it is supposed to. I figured out that he doesn't like being confined and really likes to be able to look out the windows and lean forward in his seat. Once we hit Roseville, the tears stopped and crying ceased instantly. It was so strange, as there was no de-escalation of the crying where kids will do the funny breathing thing. He just stopped and sat quietly with a blank look on his face. The girls cheered for him stopping and told him "bravo" (which is the word the boys use to cheer each other and us on for a job well done whether it be eating all of our food or cleaning up our toys).
We arrived at Jenni's without further incident with the exception of some nasty rain; it didn't look promising for a trip to the playground today. I was pretty happy to get back into things at work as I missed the students and my coworkers. The morning went by pretty quickly again until the kids came for the boys' therapy session at noon. During that time I am supervising another child in the adjacent room. I had briefly greeted all of the kids and ushered the boys into their therapy room. After I had finished supervising my clinician, I stepped into the observation room. Ruslan was lying on the floor crying and having a mini-meltdown. My colleague was seated next to him and the student clinician was doing her best to keep Pasha entertained while attempting to get him to imitated target words in English (which he was doing quite well as long as she didn't try to directly interact with him). Ruslan's behavior escalated and I began to see behaviors I had never seen before. He began to tune out because the situation was scary for him and too much to handle. My colleague was excellent in her instincts and sat near him, keeping him safe but acting like she really wasn't attending to his tantrum. He eventually decided he wanted to play with the items she had out and when she required him to say the item before she handed it over he became angry. He yelled at her in Russian to "give that to me" and a few other phrases that I couldn't recognize. When there were only a few minutes left of the session I walked into the room and sat quietly against the opposite wall. Pasha looked up at me and smiled but Ruslan did not appear to acknowledge my presence. Whoa, this situation was almost exactly like the "strange situation" I have studied that reveals how a child is attached. I had to approach him and I placed my cheek next to his and told him "mama was here". He would not engage in eye contact with me until I began to sing the clean up song and then he readily began to place things where they belonged. He really did not seem in tune with me until we were out of the therapy room. After the session I spoke briefly with my colleague (who is an adoptive parent herself) and she said Ruslan smiled briefly when I walked into the room and visibly relaxed. Hearing this really made me feel better. She also stated she felt he was cursing her out in Russian (which maybe he was as his tone of voice indicated so). We will try again next week but I am beginning to wonder if it is too soon for speech therapy. He has experienced so many changes in his life in the last week. For this reason, I think I will put physical therapy on hold until July. I may have to begin to participate in his speech therapy sessions as well. Maybe the Lord felt I needed to be on the other side of the fence to learn how the families I work with feel when their child is in therapy. It definitely was a humbling experience and I ached for Ruslan as he was definitely frustrated and confused. Pasha was not quite himself during the session either but he seemed to not be as frustrated and confused.
After therapy we headed back to the car and Ruslan climbed into his seat without complaint. Whew; not another forty minute car ride of crying. Both boys fell asleep on the way home again. I wish they would stay awake until we got home so they would nap there rather than in the car. After a small cup of juice at home they willingly laid down for their "nap" which has really become more of a "rest time". Sam and Chad played video games and Callie watched her shows while I took a nap. A nice way to spend a rainy afternoon as far as I am concerned.
Callie and Sam left around 4:30 with their dad, which caused Ruslan to begin to cry again. He wanted to get his shoes on and go with them. No way was I going to be able to explain that one. Instead Chad and I decided to head to town to pick up a prescription for Sam at Walgreen's just to get out of the house. The boys enjoy riding in the car for the most part and it was a good way to kill an hour. Chad made dinner tonight (yea for my husband) and the boys played quietly (yea for the boys). They kept asking where Callie was, and really became concerned when we sat down to eat and the girls weren't home yet (a change in our routine). Sam had her sports physical at the school tonight so the girls didn't get home until the boys were going to bed. I wonder how it will go this weekend when the girls are gone with their dad. I never thought how explaining such things would be so difficult. They have so many transitions in their daily lives that I am amazed they handle all of them as well as they do. I am beginning to wonder if maybe I should use some of the picture schedules I had prepared.
I have the bachelorette party tomorrow night. Jess told me she found the dress she wanted for her night out complete with a tiara. She had been looking for a dress that was "sexy but not sleazy". I didn't laugh when she told me but am now as I am typing this. The laughter is not simply due to what she said, it is how it transported me back in time to when I was searching for my bachelorette party outfit. I definitely went with "sexy AND sleazy". I was a bit younger than her (ripe age of 21); and those days liked the attention I received when I wore such things (think the mid 90s with all of the bare midriff tops and short shorts). I have to attribute it to my self-imposed ugly duckling syndrome. So I am trying to find something in my own wardrobe which is flattering for my figure (teehee) without looking like I am trying too hard (come on I will be surrounded by nubile tight little bodies so what is the point) and if ONE person calls me a cougar I will not be happy. Maybe I will post some pictures of the results of our night out.

Home- days 7 and 8

Things keep moving along, and it seems that the days are flying by. Yesterday we drove to St. Louis to see the international adoption specialist. Four hours drive there, at the office for three and a half hours, and four hours drive back. Samantha came with us and was a great help. The boys once again pleasantly surprised me. The doctor made some recommendations to us for immunizations and referrals to specialists for Ruslan. I am trying to determine what is going on with my insurance as I am a part of the state of Illinois employees whom are affected by the changes in the plans offered. Nobody really knows what is going on except I no longer have the option of a HMO. I can't take the kids to Children's Hospital of Illinois. This sounds so crazy to me that I can't access the closest children's hospital. We will have to change from the pediatric diabetes clinic that Sam has gone to since her diagnosis six years ago.
Today I began working half days Monday through Thursday supervising at the speech clinic for the next few weeks. The kids all come with me and I have a sitter for three hours and then the boys come to the clinic for their therapy. It makes for an early morning but at least we will be done by the second week of July and then it will be truly summer vacation (well, Chad has to work so not vacation for everyone).
People keep asking me how things are going and I find myself almost wondering if there is something looming on the horizon since I am feeling pretty good about our big life change. I try to reflect upon how this is affecting the kids as really this is about me (but I have made sure to get my sleep so I don't lose my mind). Tonight while the Stouffer's lasagna (thanks again Amanda and Stef)was cooking I even got to read a book in the bath. I did have two visitors want to climb in (Ruslan first and then Callie later) but I convinced them I wouldn't be a fun bathing partner. Of course, there was an incident with a marker on the floor when Dad was supposed to be supervising but that is what the magic eraser is for, right?
This Friday I have the bachelorette party for Jessica. I have been thinking about it this week and it has been making me feel really old. I am really happy as she has found herself I think an excellent partner in life in Matt.

Home- day 4 and 5

I have had two different family members tell me that others have asked why oh why I haven't kept up blogging daily with updates. I stated before I plan to continue blogging now that we are home as our journey as a family has just begun. I will hold to this statement but have quickly realized that the biological need for sleep sets in once the kids are in bed. Last night I felt like a champion marathon runner as I was able to stay awake until 10pm for the first time in weeks! I still wasn't able to make it through an entire DVR'd episode of Celebrity apprentice (thanks Dad for not disclosing your spoiler alert today... Grandpa was snickering in heaven I am sure). Things continue to move along pretty well here. I no longer require an alarm clock as Ruslan keeps time just fine... 6:30am every morning. Yesterday we headed to Chad's parents in Little York for a belated birthday celebration for his mom. His family was greatly anticipating our arrival as they had allowed us a few days at home alone for bonding. The boys did not seem fazed by all of the people but checked in with Chad and I every once in a while. Papa Mike has several remote controlled tractors which the boys loved. Amanda put out quite a spread of food with Stefanie making a mean turtle cheesecake. Pasha followed Mike around quite a bit and whenever he needed help with his tractor he took it to Mike. Uncle Chad and Aunt Amanda brought their puppy Lily. Initially all of the dogs were kenneled inside so the boys wouldn't get scared. We had been outside all afternoon and they had brought one of their doggie outfits. They wondered if Lily wore a dress the boys would find her less intimidating. Sure enough, Ruslan was ALL OVER Lily when Chad put her on a leash in her dress and took her out into the yard. Ruslan wanted Lily to lick his face. Pasha still wasn't sure about it but was interested that his brother was so comfortable with Lily. The boys seemed to really enjoy being outside all afternoon. Last night we were all pretty tired from the long day (the girls had gone to church in the morning and I had gone down to Macomb to do some grading in my office). After the boys went to bed, Callie asked for a snack. She wanted to have an apple as she had seen the boys eating an apple for their bedtime snack. She saw in the fruit bowl that there was one apple and one orange left. She then said that since Pasha is allergic to oranges maybe she should eat the orange rather than the apple. I was so proud of her that she was thinking of others first rather than herself, but told her that she could have the apple as we could go to the store and buy more for Pasha.
Today we had a Memorial Day lunch at my parent's at Lake Warren. This morning the kids played outside on our swingset for a little while and I went through some clothes a family friend had given us. I was so excited that the family had thought enough to give us their son's outgrown clothes. They were in really good shape and just the right sizes for the boys. The boys enjoyed playing in the sandbox and dangling their feet in the water off of the dock. Grandma Argyle got to meet them for the first time. Pasha really enjoys playing with Jessica's fiancee Matt. I am hoping that this will be an added incentive for Pasha to walk down the aisle in a couple of weeks in their wedding!
Reality has begun to set in. The reality of things is that I am the mother of four children. Four mouths to feed, bathe, and clothe. I had a moment tonight when I had to leave the room behind me with a chorus of "mamas". Yes, all FOUR kids were saying my name in that tone of voice which means they need something. One dropped their fork, one wanted a napkin, one didn't like the food, and the fourth needed a towel in the bathroom. I know you may be thinking... hey lady, you signed up for this, you completed a ream of paper of copies and another ream of paper of forms and paid tens of thousands of dollars to increase your family through the wonderful option of adoption. Yes indeed I did all of those things (with the support of my wonderful dear husband and family). That doesn't mean there are times I need a break. Even though it is only day five. So here's the payoff. As I was putting the boys to bed, I hit my head on their bunk bed (I really hate bunk beds for this reason). I sat down hard on the floor and held my head cause it really hurt and I had my mouth clamped shut to avoid the spillage of profanity. Pasha jumped out of bed and Ruslan quickly followed and they both kissed me and hugged me and spoke soothingly in Russian. A half hour later during Callie's bedtime I hit my head on her bunk bed TOO (thankfully this time it was the back of my head). She spoke soothingly to me in English (in a strangely familiar way) and kissed me and hugged me. As a type now I can still feel the ache from both places on my head; but the overriding feeling of my heart feeling full makes it easy to push the pain from my head. I know there will be many tough days (and nights)ahead; but there will also be many wonderful ones too. Oh, and Ruslan is now chasing our little dog around the house (thank you Uncle Chad and Lily).
Tomorrow we head to the international adoption physician for our post-adoption evaluation. She will do a thorough examination of both boys, look at the medical records we received (so scanty in information it is almost humourous) and recommend a plan of treatment for immunization and overall developmental intervention. Happy Memorial Day to everyone.

Home- Days 1 and 2

I wanted to recap the final leg of our journey and update how things have been going since we got home. Our flight from Amsterdam to Detroit went fairly well with the boys being pretty quiet. Ruslan sat with Chad in the row behind Pasha and I. There was a male flight attendant who was a snob to us (don’t think he was a parent) when the boys pushed the call button. Really, you have a button that lights up within easy reach of a preschooler? As we deplaned Chad and I commented how well things had been going up to that point (first mistake). Since Detroit was our port of entry, we had to go through customs and immigration. We were told by the Embassy to plan for 45 minutes per child to complete the immigration stuff. It really only took about fifteen minutes total. The immigration officials were really nice; they congratulated us and told us how cute the boys were. They also said how nice it was that the boys were able to be adopted together since they are brothers. On the flight to Detroit a woman told me how cute Pasha was. That made me feel good inside. After immigration, we had to go and pick up our baggage. This was when things went awry. We had to wait a few minutes, and the boys began to get hyper from being overtired. It didn’t help that Chad and I were exhausted as well. I am sure that everyone in the area of baggage belt #6 questioned my parenting techniques. The boys had their backpack/leashes on and for the first time we really had to use them. I held onto each boys’ leash as Chad wrangled our luggage. They were chasing each other in circles around me, clotheslining each other and falling all over the place. Chad accidentally clocked Ruslan on the chin with the luggage so we had more tears. We didn’t have a whole lot of time so we placed Ruslan in the stroller and Chad pulled Pasha along by the hand. We found a monitor to figure out what gate our flight to Peoria was at AND….. Peoria 1:38pm flight CANCELLED. WHAT? Then I looked outside and saw the torrential rain and lightning and everything clicked; we were not going to get home today. We headed to the customer service counter for Delta and saw a long line. I called a customer service representative and couldn’t hear a thing. I kept asking her to speak more loudly and wondered if she thought I needed to turn up my hearing aide (I had a hearing test earlier in the year so knew it wasn’t me). I was able to discern that we had automatically been rebooked on another flight in the morning at 8:30 to Minneapolis and then another flight to Peoria. Chad was not thrilled and I felt the need to speak to someone in person. I eyed the long line that hadn’t moved since I began my call several minutes earlier and asked Chad what he wanted to do. He replied, “I want to go home”. He took the boys over to some chairs while I stood in line. As I stood there, I could hear everyone on their cell phones calling family and friends about their cancelled flights. I felt like the floor was moving and even asked a woman standing in front of me if she felt it too. No, it wasn’t vibrating; I guess I had been on an airplane for too long. I waited about 45 minutes before making it to the front of the line. It turned out that we were extremely fortunate as I was assisted by a wonderful man whom had just started working his shift. I told him about our situation and asked if there was anything he could do or if Delta would pay for our hotel stay. He said he was going to see if he could get us on a flight to somewhere close to home since we had been traveling for so long with young children. He complimented me on how brave we were to undertake adoption of two boys so close together in age, and said his daughter’s idea of children was a bevy of cats but he held out hope some day he would be a grandparent. He found two seats on a later flight to Peoria, but wasn’t sure if he could get four seats. He called a supervisor over who punched in some codes into the computer and voila we were booked on the 7:28 flight to Peoria!
Chad and I still didn’t believe we would make it home today. I was receiving phone calls and text messages from our family and friends about the weather back home and how a violent storm was heading through the area. 7:28 came and went. We needed to get rid of the lightning otherwise we wouldn’t be cleared for takeoff.
Finally, a few minutes after 8pm we boarded the flight for home. I fell asleep for the middle portion of the flight. I woke up when we were in the middle of a significant thunderstorm. I had never seen lightning from an airplane and would be happy never to experience it again. Ruslan woke up too and began crying; the lights were out in the plane so it was quite dark with the exception of the bursts of lightning. We thankfully landed a few minutes after 9pm in Peoria. My parents, Samantha, Callie, Jess and Matt, Jaimey and Christian, and Sonia and Aiden were waiting for us with signs. They were also wearing their From Russia with Love t-shirts. I thought the girls would jump into my arms but they were more interested in hugging their brothers. Sonia had brought little gift bags for the boys with snacks and a couple of toys. These were a big hit as the boys immediately sat down and began playing. Pasha and Aiden were pushing their car back and forth between the two of them. It all was a bit surreal as we had been waiting so long for this moment.
We loaded up the car and headed to Chad’s sister’s home to pick up his jeep and the dogs. Sam rode home as my copilot and kept me entertained so that I would stay awake for the hour long drive home. Callie and the boys fell asleep half way home. It is a tight fit for all three carseats in my car. We are going to have to figure something out for times when we all have to go somewhere. Once we got home the girls showed the boys their room and everyone commenced playing while Chad and I brought in the luggage. I convinced everyone it was late and we all needed to get to bed. The boys laid in bed for a while talking but were asleep by midnight. Chad was asleep before that and I followed shortly after the boys. I woke a couple of times in the middle of the night as the time change made my body feel I shouldn’t be sleeping even though I was exhausted. Everyone was awake by 6:30 so I got up and made pancakes. The boys weren’t thrilled with them, I am sure the syrup was too sweet for their palates. I had dishes cleared and the three little ones bathed and dressed by 8am. It was a good practice for next week when we have to be places to be early in the morning.
The day went by fairly uneventful with the boys pushing their toy cars around all day. We had lunch and then headed to their visit with the pediatrician at 1pm. He checked them out and said he would defer to our specialist’s recommendations from our appointment next week. He struggled to read the immunization records which had been written out in Russian with the translator making little notes by the dates of immunization. The boys responded to the pediatrician really well; I think they had regular check-ups in the orphanage so it was not an unusual thing for them. It took about an hour and a half at the pediatrician since he did a thorough review of all their body systems. He mentioned Ruslan had tight heel cords which was to be expected and that although it seemed his legs were mostly affected his entire right side does have some weakness. He thought that Ruslan would really respond well to physical therapy so after we see Dr. Ladage next week we will get that started. The boys begin speech therapy at my university clinic next week too. It was funny that the nurse asked me not to bring all four kids in together for shots because she didn’t think she could handle that many at once! I don’t blame her it was a bit chaotic.
Pasha got a prescription for his eczema and I am sure more meds for Ruslan will follow in the next few weeks. After our appointment we dropped off the prescription at Walgreens and headed to my parents to get a snack for the kids. My dad was out mowing on his John Deere tractor and offered to give the kids a ride in the wagon. Callie and Pasha gladly hopped in but Ruslan wasn’t sure and wanted to watch. After a couple of laps around the yard Dad stopped and asked Ruslan if he would want to sit on his lap and drive. Ruslan happily jumped up on Dad’s lap and drove a couple more laps. I took some pictures with my phone and couldn’t help but think how my Grandpa used to do the same thing with Jaimey and I. I imagine he was smiling in heaven. After we got home we headed to the park across the street to play with Dakota and Gail Strope. Christian came over as she was at her babysitter’s across the street. The boys worked hard at figuring out the playground equipment. Ruslan had to work extra hard to climb up the structure with the foot pegs but he did it. Everyone clapped and cheered for him.
Last night Jess stopped by during dinner and then stayed a while to play with the kids. Bath and bedtime went pretty smoothly. I have been putting the boys to sleep at 8, Callie at 8:30-9 and Sam after that. I wanted Callie and Sam to continue to get some alone time with me as I used to cuddle and talk with them during the half hour before bed before we left for Russia. Sam was still awake when I went to bed. Chad was snoring when I crawled into bed about 9:15 and I fell asleep by 9:30 without meaning to as I was trying to watch some TV. Oh, well! I woke up at 11pm when Chad jumped out of bed. Then I realized that the boys were screaming. I went into the bedroom to see what was going on as Chad was coming out. Apparently one of them had experienced a nightmare and thought he saw another crocodile outside the window. A few minutes later the screaming erupted again so I headed in and spoke to them in Russian for a bit which calmed them down again. Fortunately they slept through the rest of night.
So, all things considered I think we are adjusting well. I don’t know how I am going to do all of the parenting and work (I pretty much am cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry from the minute I wake up until the minute I fall into a pile in bed). I guess it will get easier as I get more practice at it; I am trying to stay organized and stay on top of the dishes and such. The girls are helping and the boys are pitching in too. This weekend we have Chad’s mom’s birthday party tomorrow and a cookout at the lake with my parents on Memorial day. Somewhere in there I have to work on grading finals. Chad is not sure if the boys will be able to handle the party at his parents because they have three dogs and Chad and Amanda will probably have their puppy there too. We hate to have to put all of the dogs in the house but it would just be too traumatizing to the boys and hurt everyone else’s ears with their screaming if the dogs were outside with us. We will see how it goes! I hope everyone enjoys their Memorial Day weekend!

Amsterdam- day 29

We are in the airport in Amsterdam awaiting the LONG transatlantic flight home (well, Detroit actually but it is the USA so that is fine by me). The airport went fine in Moscow; nobody asked us any questions at all about leaving with two children after we had arrived childless. The first flight went ok with Ruslan doing the typical little crying thing and having to go to the bathroom twice (thankfully the guy in the aisle seat didn't seem to mind too much). In the last 45 minutes of the flight he wanted to go again, but I distracted him by drawing whatever he asked me to draw (it wasn't pretty but he didn't care). So, hopefully this next flight goes by quickly without much incidents. One step closer!

Moscow-day 28

Today is our last day in Moscow as we fly out early tomorrow morning. Chad and I are very ready to go; the boys don't know what to expect so they are none the wiser. Chad and I both have a little anxiety about getting through the airport with them mostly due to concerns with our paperwork. Everything is in order, we have the boys' passports and adoption decrees but there is always that nagging feeling that we won't be allowed to leave the country. I know that hundreds of families leave the SVO airport every month with their newly adopted children so I am sure it will be fine. Chad is worried (although he doesn't say it) about the mechanics of hauling all of the luggage and boys through everything. It won't help that we are going to be leaving in the middle of the night so may have some very cranky little guys. I am hoping once we get checked in and get rid of the luggage they will fall asleep on our laps as we wait to board the plane. They didn't sleep at all during the four hour flight from Kemerovo to Moscow, so we will see. We couldn't get seats all together for either flight so we will split up two and two. Gotta go; thanks again for following our journey... which is to be continued....

Moscow-Day 27

It's Monday but the days of the week have not really been relevant for a while now. It has been like we are lost in time, in another world. Today was the best day yet of sightseeing. Vladimir picked us up at 10:30am and we drove to the Moscow River where we boarded a sightseeing tour boat. The ride lasted about 90 minutes and gave us views of many of the important landmarks of the city. Vladimir told us yesterday that when Napoleon tried to conquer Moscow the Russian military had already burned the city and left so he did not have anything to conquer. Many French soldiers died in the fires and there was not any food left for the French army to eat so they left. The boys sat and enjoyed the boat ride. Today was the warmest day yet with a slight breeze. Chad and I were a bit warm but the boys insisted on wearing their spring Columbia coats Grandma Argyle bought them for the entire boat ride. Their Siberian roots hold strong. They are in for quite a surprise when we get home and they experience the temperatures of an Illinois summer. Chad took many pictures during the boat ride; I cannot wait until we get to a place where there is wifi and I will upload them for everyone to enjoy. After our boat ride Vladimir drove us to Red Square. It was amazing to see the walls of the Kremlin and Red Square and recognize both the history and also how long they had stood in that place. Vladimir gave us a nice brief history of each place. I did not realize that Ivan the Terrible had blinded the architects of Red Square as he did not want them to be able to go anywhere else and build something as magnificent. Also, people were actually living within the gates of the Kremlin in the 20th century. Now no one lives there and it houses mostly administrative offices for the government. We saw the President drive through today; the police did not barricade the streets they simply had traffic cops blow their whistles and stand in the middle of the big highway. The KGB (now called the RFB I think) came flying through first and then a couple minutes later several police cars and large Mercedes Benz SUVs came through. It was eerily quiet in comparison to the typical noise of traffice in that particular part of the city. While at Red Square we were going to try and eat at McDonald's but it was packed so we ate at the Sbarro next door. The food was good (better than the one on Old Arbat street) and the boys loved the butter and garlic noodles they got with their kids' meals. Another item that I can easily serve at home. As we were finishing up our lunch, Pasha again struck up a conversation with the woman who was clearing our table. She asked him his name and he replied, "Pasha Zasypkin". It was good to know he can answer such a question as people always ask little kids this and it is a question they will ask him at his preschool screening. Now if we can just get him to switch to Gipson we will be doing great! His birth last name does end with the same sound as Gipson and I know he can say the "g" sound so I am sure it will not be too tough for him. After leaving the Red Square we stopped by a Hello Kitty store I had found and Chad bought me a neat tote bag I can use to take the kids swimming. The girls would have loved the store but the prices were pretty high (my tote bag wasn't too expensive though). As we headed home after the full day, Pasha leaned in to me and said "you are my mama forever" in Russian. Boy, is he pretty amazing. Ruslan did not get scared or cry at all today. He did however show me how he likes to pick his nose! It was really hard for me not to carry on about it but I have found that the more I respond to things with heightened emotion the more he does it. Finally, we stopped at the market and went to the outdoor produce stand with the nice family that always enjoys speaking to the boys. Pasha kept picking up an egg while I was buying them some strawberries and the woman gave him the egg. We began to walk away and Pasha stopped, turned around, and asked the woman if his brother could have one too. Thank God they are together. I will leave you with this final story. During lunch I was speaking with Vladimir and I commented on how proud I have been with the boys overall behavior thus far. He stated that yes, they were more calm and better behaved than a lot of the children he sees driving for adoptive families. He really appreciated that they did not curse as a lot of children from orphanages have quite a vocabulary of curse words. I thought this was nice to hear but know both boys have probably cursed at us a few times when it was bedtime and their cars had to be put up on the shelf.
We are done sightseeing. Tomorrow we will clean and pack our things as we will leave at 2:30 in the morning from our apartment to head to the airport. I am strongly considering leaving the boys in their pajamas and just changing them later in the airplane. Our flight leaves for Amsterdam Wednesday morning at 5:30am, which is your Tuesday evening. Tomorrow may be my last post from Russia!

Moscow- day 26

I know you can't tell by my blog, but we are taking lots of pictures as we go sightseeing with the boys. Once I can use my laptop and wifi I will load the pictures to the blog. Today we went to the circus (it is supposed to be the best one around). We made it through the first 30 minutes and then Ruslan got quite scared from all of the dark and light changes and then got upset when the bears driving the bicycles left. Our driver tried to explain to him that everything was okay but Ruslan would have nothing of it. We sat out in the lobby for the first half of the show. During this time Ruslan was sitting on my lap with his sucker but he might as well have been a million miles away. I felt so disconnected with him as he was crying and although it seemed he felt better when I held him it just wasn't enough. I figured out that I knew how to talk about sleeping in Russian so I told him the bears and bicycles had to go to sleep. He immediately stopped crying but still did not want to go back into the circus. During the intermission Chad, Pasha, and Vladimir came out and Vladimir tried talking to Ruslan again. I suggested that maybe Pasha should talk to Ruslan and this did the trick. Pasha told him not to be scared, that the circus was beautiful and not to cry. The second half of the circus there were times when Ruslan grabbed my hand but he kept telling Pasha he wasn't scared. I praised him after the circus for how brave he was.
After the circus we headed to a memorial park which was built to commemorate all of the soldiers lost in wars. It was beautiful and built in the early 90s. The boys were able to see tanks and get their picture taken on one. We then headed to the Papa John's we had spied earlier in the week and ordered carryout pizza. It was not exactly like home, but pretty close (and now Chad is laying on the couch holding his belly from eating too much). We had to bribe the boys with dessert to get them to eat their pizza; hope this attitude changes as it is a staple at our house.
Tomorrow we are going on a boat ride down the Moscow river to see the Kremlin and Red Square. That should be it for our tourism as Tuesday we will be busy cleaning up the apartment (although we have kept it pretty tidy) and packing for HOME. That's right, folks... it is no longer a distant memory but a reality. I am going to head to the children's store that is close by and pick up a few new toys for the plane ride home. Oh, I am being called. I will post more tomorrow!

Moscow- day 25

It is Saturday here and was a beautiful day for most of the day. We went to the zoo this morning. The boys rode in strollers and did well. It was really nice that Vladmir Ок (our driver/translator) was willing to take us as he told the boys what the animals were in Russian while we told them the English words. The boys are now saying "soap" and "please" on a regular basis. Pasha said his favorite animal was the elephant. The animals kind of looked like they were sickly but the zoo grounds were nice. Vladimir said the zoo had been in operation since the early 20th century but the new addition had been a hospital in World War II. He also told us interesting facts about his education and upcoming college graduation. He is fortunate in that he has made some good connections in the city government and has a job waiting for him. He is very excited to have the government benefits of two months' vacation. He filled us in on the draft as well. It occurs every spring and fall. Apparently many families pay bribes to get the card that says the male is unfit for military duty due to some kind of physical ailment. The current cost for such a bribe is $5,000 USD. He said life in the Russian military is difficult as new recruits are hazed by the other soldiers. He had a friend that was drafted and after three months of service became disabled. I didn't ask the details as I did not want to pry. The boys continue to do well. We ate out at a restaurant and they looked at their hamburgers very suspiciously. After smelling it, Pasha did have a few bites while Ruslan preferred his fries, tomatoes and lettuce from the hamburger. They had a late nap so it will probably be a later bedtime but we don't have to get up early so that is probably okay. Tomorrow we are going to the Moscow Circus with Vladmir; we hope it is good as it was kind of expensive but will be a once in a lifetime experience for the boys. We will also visit some monuments too. We are counting the days to see everyone back home. I am proud that I have blogged daily as I think it will be nice for the boys to read when they get older. I hope to continue once we get home as things will continue to be interesting for them. Samantha made the cheerleading squad; I am very proud of her accomplishment. Now the fun begins of driving her to multiple practices and such that happen once kids enter junior high. She does not have a cell phone but we may be nearing that discussion soon. I saw pictures of Callie's pre-K graduation; she definitely looked cute in her dress and crown. See you in four days!

Moscow- day 24

Things have been interesting at bedtime. Ruslan started crying right away because we put his car to bed up on the dresser. We tried giving them comfort objects like their car or a stuffed animal but then they would just lay there and play. He does not like it when the car has to go to bed too. Pasha doesn't like it but willingly hands it over as he knows it is inevitable. We also make multiple trips to the bathroom still. Once we get a physician to tell us there is nothing wrong medically with the whole peeing thing we will limit bathroom visits I think. So, after about an hour they finally calmed down in bed and I thought we were in for a quiet night. As I began grading some final exams, Pasha let out a blood curdling scream. Ruslan followed suit. We ran into the bedroom because it sounded like someone was really hurt. Next came the hard part. You know when little kids are really scared and they talk fast and are crying at the same time so it all comes out like mush? Imagine that happening but the kids are talking in a foreign language. I couldn't figure out what was wrong because I didn't understand anything he was saying except that he was terrified (and in turn caused his brother to be terrified). So, I did what I have done with Callie and that is lie down with them for a little while to see if they will settle down to sleep. The minute I moved an inch their eyes popped open and the screaming commenced. I kept telling them in Russian that everything was okay, don't cry, don't be scared. (I wonder if they secretly talk to each other about how horrible my accent is). I thought that maybe Pasha was bitten by a spider, or a saw a bug but wasn't sure. After sitting in their room and then moving a few feet out of the room they finally fell asleep. This morning I woke up as I felt someone was watching me (Callie does this all of the time). Sure enough, Ruslan was standing in the doorway staring at me. When I asked him what was wrong he told me he had to go to the bathroom. Okay, progress... as he usually will wake up in his bed and cry until I come and see what's what.
Today we went to the US Embassy for our interview appointment. We had no idea what to expect. We hit a traffic jam a few blocks from the Embassy and were actually late. Once again, the boys were extremely well behaved little gentlemen. (And terribly cute with their fisherman Gilligan hats... I know this is not a complete sentence but it is MY blog so I guess I can use incorrect grammar). They held our hands the entire way and sat quietly while we waited. It felt weird as each time we encountered a line we were told not to wait and to cut to the front as we had special priviledges as US Citizens whom were adopting (whew... to be given priority was nice but I felt very rude cutting in several long lines of Russians waiting for their visas). A woman came out and explained to us that our children are still Russian citizens and will not officially become US citizens until we arrive at our port of entry in the US. Once the customs official stamps their passports, then they will be both Russian citizens and US citizens. The boys will remain Russian citizens unless they decide to renounce their citizenship. If they were to travel to Russia between the ages of 18-35 they could be forced to enlist in the military for two years as is the rule here. Hmm, good to know. We waited a bit more for our interview which took five minutes. A nice woman asked us to hold up our right hands and swear that all of the information we had presented was correct. (I didn't confess that maybe I had fudged on my weight a bit). She showed us the information on the boys and we stated their names and birthdates were indeed correct. We then left the Embassy to wait on the coordinator Katya. She came and picked up the documents we had just received with the boys' passports so that she could go to the Russian consulate and register them as we had agreed to do as part of our adoption. A lot of families wait to do this until they arrive back home but our agency requires we do it prior to leaving Moscow. SO.... in summation, we have completed all of the formalities to officially complete jumping through the hoops of adoption. Has it been tough? Yes. Has it been the most difficult thing I have ever done? No. Has it been worth it? A million times YES.
On the home front, Callie graduated from Pre-K at United yesterday. Dad told me today she performed with grace and maturity. Samantha has decided to try out for cheerleading on the 7th grade squad. She has her tryouts today so I am thinking of her (and honestly remembering my own cheerleading tryouts). She is really putting herself out there as she doesn't typically feel comfortable performing in front of people. She does love to sing and dance and has got some moves that I wish she didn't (alas, she is growing up). So now I am one of THOSE people that i secretly loathe as they blather on and on about how amazing their children are. Don't worry though, with four kids I won't have time to do a Christmas letter.
Tomorrow we are headed to the zoo and then to some memorials. There are some really amazing statues everywhere from the time period of the Russian Czars. We may attempt to take the boys out to eat too. Right now we don't have any other plans for the next few days. We talked to the girls briefly this afternoon (their morning) and the girls talked to the boys. We look at pictures all the time and name them but I am really interested to see how they do when they meet each other for the first time.
Well, I should wrap it up as the boys are waiting for their "kupatsya" (bath). They were mesmerized to see Chad shave earlier. That was a really special moment; one of the first of many to come. Thanks again for reading and posting comments I feel like I am "talking" to all of you. Enjoy your weekend!

Moscow-day 23

Here is a recount of our day thus far:
4:15am wake up, throw clothes on, and get boys up for their doctor visit
4:30am Doctor comes to complete document for our embassy papers. He spoke excellent English and was very reassuring to the boys. He picked them up to weigh them; I guess that is his secret power. According to his scientific method, Ruslan is about 30 pounds and Pasha is 40 pounds. He said Ruslan is skinny while Pasha is definitely not (if it would have been later in the day I would have laughed at this statement). I also would have asked him to pick me up too so I could see how much weight I have lost on this trip. Anyway, he asked about Ruslan's CP and had him walk about ten feet (really? you can tell in ten feet?) and said he had "very mild" CP. I didn't say anything as he had lots of other families to see today and this is all a formality anyway. I have learned so much about both boys in the last few days most of which has been a validation of my initial instincts on their personalities. It has been most interesting to see how amazed they are at things our girls would think trivial. The washing machine is quite a contraption of modern technology in their eyes. It is in the bathroom and Ruslan eyes it skeptically every time it is on and he has to go pee (which by the way is about three times per hour). I wonder if they allowed free usage of the restroom at the orphanage because I spend more time in the bathroom here than anywhere else. They will definitely learn some English vocabulary in the bathroom by the time we are home. Unlike our girls, they LOVE most fresh vegetables and fruits. We went to the market and then to an outdoor vendor where the produce looked amazing. The woman running the stand was very friendly and chatted with Pasha and Ruslan. I found out Ruslan loves tomatoes and both boys like carrots. They also wanted many other things too but we already had a lot of groceries to carry. The woman asked Pasha if we were his parents and he said yes (yea!) So, for the first time in my life, I peeled and sliced a carrot and cooked it in a butter/sugar/water mixture. They ate it all approvingly. They clean their plate every meal and snack unless they really don't like the item. If I ask them to take a bite/drink they will. Neither of them are big fans of milk but then again I don't think they had it that much. Supposedly they had tea with milk and sugar every morning but they have not asked for "chai" once. I am happy about that as I don't want my caffeine addiction passed on to them (Callie still doesn't drink pop except on rare occasions). We are doing pretty well sticking to the routine but the boys have gone with the flow pretty well too. Today while we walked through the market they were pretty typical in the sense they wanted to pick up a few things but didn't demand we buy them (as American born kids may). They held our hands the entire time and were great helpers as they took the food off the cashier stand and into the cart for us to bag. Whenever I drop something one of them automatically picks it up and brings it to me. They overall have excellent manners with the exception of being able to wait. I imagine they waited for things at the orphanage so they CAN, but I sure hope they learn the sign for wait quickly so that things will go smoothly at home (with four kids someone is going to have to wait at some point and I don't want it always to be Sam or Callie). On the walk back to the apartment from the market Chad walked ahead of the boys and I as he had heavy groceries to carry and Pasha yelled at him in Russian "Papa, wait for us". Ruslan really enjoys taking my cheeks and kissing me and hugs both of us a lot. He seems to check in with me often and if he doesn't think I am paying attention works hard to get it (by doing something he knows he isn't supposed to). Pasha has lots of bumps and bruises all over his body which we have begun to understand why. He wants to wrestle with Chad a lot and will get lots of hugs that way. I am really thrilled with how things seem to be going. Tomorrow we head the the US Embassy for our appointment at 10:30. I really don't know what exactly we will be doing there but I understand we will have some kind of an interview. On Saturday if the weather is nice we will check out the zoo or Red Square. Six more days until we get home!

Kemerovo- day 22

We arrived in Moscow today after our four hour flight from Kemerovo. Ruslan was a scared little guy for the first thirty minutes but then did pretty well. Pasha was his typical self talking about anything and everything to anyone who would listen. I am glad we are here but already dreading the ten hour flight home. Vladimir picked us up at the airport and took us to meet the coordinator Katya. After no sleep and the flight, I was expected to fill out about six multiple page forms. The boys, Chad, and I were starving by this point but it must be done so we can get our appointment at the Embassy Friday. After I began I quickly realized I would have to fill out two sets of these forms for two boys. During this process Chad is trying to wrangle the boys in the living room of the other families apartment. Their little guy was in his playpen throwing his toys out while Chad tried to keep the boys from playing with his toys. After I finished the paperwork we climbed back into the van again to try and find an ATM to get rubles and stop by the market. Vladimir was wonderful as he took me into the market and told me what items his wife buys. Then, another trip back into the van. As we got further out of the city I asked about our apartment we are renting from him. It turns out that the hot water is off in the building for repair so we are staying in his own family's apartment as they are at their summer cottage outside the city. When we walked into his apartment the first thing I noticed were all the breakable items on shelves. I asked if I could move them to higher shelves because these boys are into everything; they have never seen what a home looks like. I hate having to say "nyet" (no) all the time but since I don't know enough Russian to parent how I usually do it makes for a tough situation. Since we are here at Vladimir's home we do not have wifi; thus I will be unable to post any pictures for a while.
Tomorrow morning will be another early one as the US Embassy pediatrician will be here at 4:30am. What? I have to get these kids up before 5am two days in a row when their normal wake up time is 8am? They were awesome about it this morning but we will see what tomorrow brings. Chad and I really want to come home now. We miss the girls terribly and all of the comforts of home. I can barely keep my pants up and may have to buy a belt before this is over. I will try to continue to post daily. Hope to see you all soon!

Kemerovo-day 21

We made it through our first full day together. It is 10:39PM here and the boys are thankfully sleeping soundly. They slept in today (imagine that as they did not fall asleep until after midnight) and woke about 8:30. I quickly called home on Skype so that Jessica and the girls could see the boys. Things were kind of crazy here so we didn’t get to talk long. The boys may be surprised to finally meet their sisters in person as they look at their photo albums constantly and name everyone in it. We found out they don’t like instant oatmeal this morning. I think they were given juice 24/7 at the orphanage because it is all they ask for. Chad and I have noticed that everyone here drinks juice a LOT. The majority of the commercials are for some brand of juice. We have been limiting juice to one to two times a day of watered down juice (only four ounces). After breakfast and getting dressed we bundled up the boys (it was in the low 40s) and walked down to Lenin square so that they could play on the equipment. They definitely had not been on anything quite like it and needed some help climbing up the stairs. Ruslan needed to ride in the stroller quite a bit as he got tired walking. I am thinking that he did not do much walking when they took the kids out. We came home and the boys had a quick snack while I ran to the store to get more groceries for lunch and dinner. I decided to make some scrambled eggs (one of the few things that sounds good anymore) along with the boys’ request for sausages (I bought salami instead but they were pleased). For lunch they had sliced apples, salami, bread, and cheese. After lunch they took off their shoes (which they always wear) and climbed up into bed. All right; they are in the routine. No such luck on the sleeping though they did lie in bed (with some jumping too) for two hours. They did not cry or whine to get up so they are in this routine too. Chad left at 3pm with the coordinator so that he could sign some more papers and actually acquire the boys’ passports. So, we have our American passports and they have their Russian passports. I am thinking we will get visas for them at the US Embassy in Moscow and can apply for US passports when we return to the US (of course for yet another fee).
After Chad came home we hung out for a bit and then took a quick walk around the block to just get out of the hotel. The boys are used to going outside during this time so it helped keep on that ever important schedule. After we came back inside I made dinner (it just felt that I had finished with lunch) which consisted of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, corn, cubed cheese, French fries, and apple slices. The boys really liked ketchup so they will fit in with Sam. We already go through a container of ketchup weekly so I can imagine we will need to buy the big value size now. The boys sit nicely during mealtimes and as always are chattering to each other. They share their food nicely and mostly Ruslan gives Pasha the food he doesn’t like. Their preferences are very apparent and I have already learned the phrase in Russian for “I don’t like it”.
Showers went much better tonight Ruslan had an accident so he really wanted to get cleaned up and stepped right in. I had him sit in the bottom of the shower and he rinsed himself off and helped suds up as well. He didn’t mind too much when I washed his hair either. Pasha screamed at first but calmed down quickly. They both shiver and shake when they get out. They really don’t like being cold. I hope it is warm when we get home.
After showers I borrowed some scissors from the other couple and cut Ruslan’s bangs. Both boys need haircuts, but Ruslan’s bangs were hanging down in his eyes so a trim was really in order. He sat up in the chair so well so I think haircuts in the orphanage were not a terrible ordeal for him. Of course Pasha wanted his turn as well (especially since I praised Ruslan in Russian for how handsome he was) so I snipped his bangs as well. It definitely is not what our stylist Anna can do but it will work for now.
We have had a few bumps in the road with discipline but overall I think things are going well. Today Ruslan was testing us a bit by throwing toys and such. He would try to do something naughty while looking at us the whole time. He really checks in with our faces to see our reactions to things; I am really pleased with this. He told me a couple times today that he loved me; this is really nice to hear but I can’t help but think that he doesn’t really know what that means. Ah, I need to stop overanalyzing things and just ENJOY.
On a side note, Samantha’s volleyball team took the championship in her tournament on Sunday. I am so proud of her and all the girls on both United volleyball teams. I am looking forward to seeing her play on the junior high team in the fall. It is hard to believe that the girls will be done with school when we get back. We really have missed a month!
We have to be up and ready to leave at 5am for our early morning flight to Moscow. There is a three hour time difference so it will be interesting to see how the boys do with that. We will be heading home a week from tomorrow!

Kemerovo- day 20

Today was THE DAY. At 4:15pm the boys were brought to us. Prior to seeing them, we got to speak to both the neurologist and Dr. Ludmilla. Nothing really new to report about their health. The neurologist told us that last week when we had seen the boys Ruslan was not sick but anxious as he understood he would be leaving the orphanage soon. He had told the caregivers today that he was scared about leaving the orphanage forever. The boys brought with them the stuffed animals and pictures we had left from our first trip. They also had Chupa Chups suckers which I guess are quite the treat there. I guess we will be purchasing a few before we leave. I think I have seen them at the dollar stores back home. Pasha dressed himself fairly quickly when we pulled out their new clothing but Ruslan was a little reluctant so I helped him along. We found out that the orphanage was going to allow us to take Ruslan’s shoes with him and even gave us a pair that was more durable for outdoors. Dr. Ludmilla also said that the orphanage had already ordered him another pair (the “indoor” pair seems a tad small) but that they had not arrived yet and since they are made to fit him personally they will send the pair along with the next family that travels there. So we will end up with three pairs of made to order shoes for him. We will see what the specialists in the states say about if they are the right kind of shoes for him. We took some pictures of the boys with Dr. Ludmilla and were told we would have xrays, immunization records and all other medical records given to us before we leave for Moscow.
I was worried about Ruslan being upset when we left but he dragged Chad out the door. The boys were really excited to get into the van and go for a ride. They changed their mind about two hours into the ride. At one point Pasha said in Russian that he wondered how much longer the car ride was going to be because it was turning into a nightmare. Several times the driver and translator laughed at what he said. The translator told me she doesn’t understand why he has the diagnosis of a speech delay as he speaks in four syllable words and uses long sentences. Later in the ride when I was asking her what a specific phrase meant Pasha asked the translator if she was helping me understand what he was saying. So, it seems that Pasha is going to have lots to tell us in English as he learns the language.
The boys looked really cute in their little hats we bought here at the Benetton store. All little boys have hats on when they are outside and most young girls have hats as well. The boys love looking at all of the vehicles on the roads, especially large trucks and heavy machinery. That kept them entertained for a large portion of the three hour ride from the orphanage.
We got back to the hotel at about 7:15, which is fifteen minutes past their typical dinner. I hurriedly made macaroni and cheese (with actual shredded cheese) and sausages (that’s what they called them but they seemed more like hot dogs to me). They both love sausages. Ruslan said his favorite foods are sausages and oranges while Pasha’s favorite foods are sausages and cheese. They both told me they did not like their macaroni and cheese (I really didn’t either but sure hope they like the blue box mac and cheese) and ate their sausages. We gave them some of the yogurt that the hotel gives us at breakfast but Pasha only had a few bites and Ruslan had maybe two. Pasha asked for some “hleb” which is bread so I buttered a slice for both of them. I am so glad that I have tried to learn some Russian because it has already helped quite a bit; I wish I knew more because they are definitely telling me a lot more than I am understanding.
After dinner things got a little intense. Chad went to do the dishes and left me to give the boys a shower. They both kind of stunk really. I took both of them into the bathroom which just has a standup small cubicle shower and got Ruslan undressed. Pasha refused to get undressed on his own and then Ruslan got this pitiful look on his face which turned into terror. I told them in Russian it was time for a bath and also showed them the picture schedule of eat, bath, bed. Apparently a shower is nothing like a bath to them (which I can now understand). Ruslan and Pasha ran out of the bathroom screaming as Chad came back into the room. Chad picked up Ruslan and headed toward the bathroom with Ruslan screaming at the top of his lungs. I asked him not to force the situation which caused the two of us to have one of our first parenting discussions. He told me to figure out another way then so I tried but ended up with a screaming kid anyway. I did get Ruslan to “wash” his cars for a few minutes while I soaped him up and began to rinse him off. He even stepped into the shower while I got drenched. The problem came when I moved away from the shower to grab the towel and the door began to close. He panicked and fell in the shower and the showerhead sprayed him in the face. Things deteriorated from there and I ended up not getting his head washed. I think I was more wet than he was. I toweled him off while he shook and cried. Once I began to get him dressed he calmed down. We went into the bedroom where Chad was sitting and Pasha was hiding in the corner whining and talking; I am sure it was something to the effect that what had just happened to his brother was most certainly not any kind of bath he had ever seen. Chad then picked Pasha up and off they went to the shower. Pasha didn’t seem to scream as much as Ruslan; I think he was just resigned to the fact that it was going to happen.
After baths the boys insisted on putting their shoes back on as they didn’t want to be barefoot. I told them that it was almost time for bed. Chad went in and showered and I made a point of telling them in Russian that Papa was taking a bath/shower. I guess the shower had not traumatized them too much because Pasha came in and saw me wiping up the floor of water and grabbed a towel and did the same. I praised him for helping and he proudly told Ruslan what he had done; Ruslan then came in and wiped up the floor as well.
We put them to bed at about 9:15. It is 10:46 and they are still awake and talking. Chad is now sitting in a chair next to them trying to get them to settle down to sleep. We took away their cars they have held in their hands since we left the orphanage as they were playing with them. I know they must be tired with such a difficult day but they just can’t give it up. They keep wanting to look out the window at the cars that drive by. We also put a chair in front of the refrigerator as it is right next to their bed and they can open it.
Tomorrow Chad has to go with the coordinator to sign more documents to get the passports for the boys. I imagine we will try and go for a walk with the boys to get out and we will definitely need to go to the market again for more sausages since that is what they love (they keep telling me that). One more day here and then we are off to Moscow. Hurrah! (this is how they cheer with the /r/ being trilled instead of saying something like yea!). Here’s to hoping for a decent nights sleep…..

Kemerovo- day 19

Last night we decided to go and check out the Karaoke Bar a couple of blocks away with our friends. We played billiards and ate dinner in the restaurant next door and then went to the Karaoke bar. Chad enjoyed his dinner (it was kind of a stew), which was nice cause he hasn’t liked much of the food here. I am getting tired of it as all of the food is kind of the same now. I think its just the desire to get back to the familiar. Our friends took us by another mall we had not checked out so we can go there tomorrow. Apparently it was the “Best of Kemerovo” at the karaoke bar last night. We saw about five different performers and decided that the best of Kemerovo was lacking in their singing ability. One of the guys had a really nice voice but the rest of them would not have made the top 24 of American Idol. We were treated somewhat as celebrities as we were given a really nice table and the DJ came over and introduced himself and took our drink orders in English. After the competition ended anyone could sing karaoke so Chad decided I should sing. I really didn’t want to since the running joke here is that the boys tell me “nyet” (no) every time I try to sing to them. Well, I decided I would show him and do it. So, I did even though my singing was AWFUL. Even with Gwen Stefani backing me up to “Just a Girl” it was pretty bad. Chad was surprised I did it, which was the whole purpose of me making a fool of myself. W got home a little before midnight so this morning we kind of relaxed. At noon we got ready and headed out to the market. We stopped at a beauty supply store as I really need to color my hair. I found the same brand as I use at home but not exactly the same shade. We will see how it turns out! We got our supplies and groceries for the next two days with the boys as we didn’t have to walk the several blocks to the big market with the boys since we aren’t sure how things will go. One more day!

Kemerovo- day 18

Yesterday was Friday the 13th and I didn’t even realize it. Chad’s back is really bothering him today and I am not much better with my toothache. We make quite the pair. Today the coordinator called here to the hotel when Chad was showering and I was in the dining area on the internet. She said she got too busy yesterday to make it with the documents for us to sign. Instead, she left the documents at the Department of Vital Records for processing and we are set to go there at 9:15 Monday morning to sign whatever necessary and acquire the birth certificates. After that we are scheduled to go the police department to get the necessary stuff for their passports. We will then return to our hotel to get things packed up for the boys. Dr. Ludmilla asked us to arrive at the orphanage at 3PM after the boys have had their nap. Here I had hoped we could pick them up before the nap so that they would sleep on the three hour ride back. Oh, well after all of these months of waiting and the 18 days of being in country we are just glad to finally be parenting them.
After speaking with Anna on the phone, we headed out for lunch to Traveler’s Café for the breakfast. We got our cookies for dessert later. On the way back to the hotel we stopped at the Benetton store for gifts for the girls. We had already shopped there last week when we got cute little hats for the boys. We also stopped at the upscale cosmetics and perfume store on the corner by our hotel. They had everything from Clinique to Chanel. I attempted to use my limited Russian and Ipad translator to find out several of the young clerks spoke English. We got some lotion (it was a mid-priced brand in the states) as both Chad and I have had dry skin and been sparingly using the lotion I had packed for the boys (it is Aveeno for baby sensitive skin). I would have liked to stay a bit longer as I really like perfume but Chad was ready to leave and most of it was pretty pricey anyway.
Tomorrow we plan on going to the market to get stuff for the when we have the boys. We won’t get back from the orphanage on Monday until after 7 so we will have to eat quickly and then get them showered as their normal bed time is 9pm. It will be interesting to see how that goes! Two days! Ten days until we come home! : )

Kemerovo- day 17

Today was the most beautiful day we have had yet as it was probably in the mid 70s with sunshine. At times gusts of wind kicked up lots of dust but we enjoyed spending time out walking around. We went to a new restaurant and the waitress was very helpful in that she brought out a translation dictionary. Chad’s pork chop and potatoes were better than my grilled chicken with mixed vegetables. He has been cleaning up my leftovers as usual. After lunch we walked over to the park along the river which is really close to our hotel. There were many families with children out on the rides. The park has a couple of small roller coasters, a tilt o whirl, bumper boats, carousel, and similar kinds of things. I imagine at night it is all lit up. There are certainly quite a few people we see strolling there and back in front of our hotel. Our coordinator was supposed to come to our hotel today at noon to have us sign some papers for the birth certificates. We waited around for a couple of hours but she never showed. The other couple traveling with us called her and she said she missed the notary but was going to try and come later today around 3. We waited outside on the park bench and talked with the other family for a couple of hours but the coordinator was a no show. Chad and Robert had some beer while we talked about old movies. The other couple is just a few years older than us (I am guessing between three and five years older) so we share many things in common generationally. The guys still think it is weird to be able to drink beer out in the open in public. Everywhere you looked in the little park in front of our hotel people are sitting quietly on benches drinking beer or wine. It is also common to see young women pushing their babies in strollers while taking a swig from their beer. I think in the US they would be reported to the DCFS! The interesting thing is that people are very low-key and don’t get out of hand or appear to be drunk. Maybe they just hold their liquor really well. I hope to be able to report more tomorrow about the plans for picking up the boys next week!

Kemerovo- day 15

Today has not been too exciting really but I wanted to keep up the trend and write something every day. Honestly, it gives me something to do. I have forgotten how much joy writing gave me as a child when I wrote stories. Ah, in another life with more time maybe I would have found a niche as a writer. These days everyone has blogs and some “unprofessional” bloggers are really good. So, I woke up without an alarm or a child whispering “mommy” two inches from my face. Actually, I really miss Callie’s wakeup call. I especially miss her hugs. At breakfast “kasha” (oatmeal) was served again. So, I ate one piece of toast and returned with the oatmeal to my room. I always flush it down the toilet but I don’t want to appear wasteful here as they are definitely not people to waste food. I don’t want to be rude either and tell them I really don’t like it. I will never see these people again, but I still finding myself wanting them to approve of me. Hmm… interesting tidbit.
After coming back to the room (and yes the walls at times seem to be closing in) I watched a movie I had downloaded on my Ipad. I have been saving it for when I was so bored and today was a good day to take advantage. Oh, the joy of actually UNDERSTANDING a movie without having to guess the storyline! I have to admit, it did take some of the creativity out of it for me though as Chad and I can make up some pretty awesome plots for the Russian reality shows. Anyway, the movie was typical romantic comedy fare but enjoyable none the less. After the movie Chad got up and was HUNGRY. We walked to Traveler’s Coffee as they have a very reasonable breakfast . I got a two egg omelet and gave half to Chad. I really haven’t been eating near as much as usual. I always knew I ate when I was bored and filled up on empty calories such as my Mt. Dew. We also walk a TON here cause there is no other way to get around. Americans are LAZY when it comes to walking; and I am definitely in that category as well. Part of our day is spent walking to different places which can take up to a half hour to get there. When there is not anything else to do, it is entertainment. I think Chad might be losing weight too as we had to buy him a belt for his pants.
We went to an interesting market today. You walk in and there is long rows of stainless steel tables with women cutting up large carcasses of meat. They have huge meat cleavers and axes as they get the different pieces of meat from the hogs and cows. The extra carcasses are hanging around. That is really fresh meat! It seems this is the place a lot of the townies go to get their evening meal. The market also has a huge selection of fruits and vegetables and is very appealing to the eye with the many vibrant colors. While there we saw a small booth of toys with a couple of cars. The boys were playing with the little Matchbox type cars we got them but this booth had a little larger car that we thought they would like. The doors opened too, which Pasha kept trying to do with his little car yesterday so we thought he would like it. Hopefully they don’t use them as a weapon in battle against each other cause they have some weight to them. I have noticed when Ruslan gets the urge he just pitches the toy in his hand high into the air without concern for where it may land (it often hits him on the head on the way down). Chad wonders how he has all the bruises on his body (hmm, a few too many cups of tea and a flight of stairs?). I saw yesterday Pasha had scratches on his face that looked very much the shape of a small hand. He will fit in just fine at our house as Callie often gets these too (and I am sure she hands some out occasionally as well).
Okay, so back to our day. We checked out some second hand stores. I tried on a couple of skirts but they were both too big; this was a surprise to me as it seems everywhere I look there are tiny Russian women in skirts. Maybe they were leftovers from some Americans? Chad found an Iowa Hawkeyes Ping Pong tshirt. Too funny; he wanted to buy it but it was a small. There was also a Special Olympics shirt from Pennsylvania there. Its like; what story does this shirt have to tell? Maybe they were just extras left over from some sweatshop in China?
We also shopped for some traditional Russian souvenirs. In Moscow they are all overpriced. We picked up four different things to give to the boys for future birthdays etc. and a gift for Amanda and Chad and my parents. Chad doesn’t think my mom will like our gift because it won’t match with her décor (for those of you who don’t know my mom she has amazing taste with mostly items from garage sales). Her home is beautiful and always changing. I got it anyway cause its practical with some Russian flair.
Today as we were walking around we found a Subway, so we walked back there for dinner. Prices weren’t bad and it was okay. We think it was across the street from the University here. We are in the capital of the region of Kemerovo. The city is also called Kemerovo. There are actually a lot of younger people living here. It is the largest city in this region, with a population over 300,000 I believe. The region appears to be bigger than Illinois, but I am not sure. The city the boys live in is the 3rd largest. It is much different than Kemerovo as it just isn’t as developed.
So, tonight we are excited to watch another episode of America’s top Model. Yes, even Chad is excited. If we are lucky we will catch a movie on TV later as well. Last night we watched the movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Robert DeNiro where he is in the military. I fell asleep halfway through and thankfully slept pretty well through the night (loaded up with ibuprofen). Tonight I am going to try and attend my grandfather’s funeral service via Skype. It is at 1pm there so it will be 1am here. Tomorrow we don’t have any plans but will probably head out somewhere to get out. I hope the weather holds up, today was beautiful today; I only needed my light hoodie. Das vadanya!

Kemerovo- Day 14

This morning we got up early and left for the orphanage at 7am. I had not slept well last night because I had a toothache. Ugh, I wish I would have taken care of it before I left! We made good time and made it to the orphanage a little before ten. We had decided to go without the translator today as it decreased our amount to go to $100 rather than $125. On our first visit this trip, she didn’t do much translating anyway. Once when I asked her what Ruslan had said to me (I had heard a tone) she refused to translate as she said she would not use such words. Hmmm, guess Ruslan has learned to curse. Anyway, with my experience working with translators for work, that doesn’t compute. They are supposed to translate EVERYTHING and not enter in their own opinion. We didn’t miss her today anyway. We did really like our translator from our first trip Alyona.
As we were waiting for the boys to come into the room, I sat and prayed that we would have a better visit with the boys. We had two colorful board books out when they came into the room, so they sat down and began to look through them. Sure enough, they LOVED the book with the cars, trucks, and tractors. We gave each of them a car to play with as well and this kept them occupied for a while as well. It wasn’t too long into the visit that Ruslan spied the snacks up on the shelf. Would you believe he ate the ENTIRE time we were there (two hours)? The kid is so thin we wondered where he put it all. I’m sure he never gets that much snacks in one sitting but we made a fun game out of saying “please” in Russian and then required for him to allow us to feed him. He even fed both Chad and I once which was fun. Both boys were more calm today and I really felt like we were seeing them in their typical state. Pasha definitely is more active than Ruslan, as Ruslan and I sat and looked at books for quite a while and then he colored with Chad for quite a while as well. Ruslan also laid down while he played with his car. I wonder if he wasn’t feeling very well as he seemed not to have much energy.
Today the boys listened to both Chad and I much better. Pasha felt so comfortable with us he threw a temper tantrum. He didn’t want to share his book so Chad took it away from him. He walked about five feet from us, sat and cried. Ruslan sat with me looking at the other book and I could tell he was upset that his brother was crying. After Pasha calmed down some and was crying quietly, I went over to him and rubbed his back while saying “don’t cry” and “its okay” in Russian. He allowed me to pick him up for a bit and he wrapped his little arms around me while I consoled him. He moved to ask to get down and told me in Russian that “Papa hurt his feelings”. Then, he walked over to Chad and told him the same thing. Chad tried to communicate how we needed to share (we use this Russian phrase a lot with them) and gave him the book back. It was nice to know we could handle a tantrum even when the communication isn’t the easiest. We’ll see if the next one is as easy!
Chad worked really hard at not getting the boys all wound up. It really kept the visit from getting out of hand, and the boys were able to play more appropriately with the toys. I brought bubbles and they enjoyed popping them. Ruslan worked hard at trying to blow gently so that he could produce some bubbles. Towards the end of the visit Pasha said “peesit” and grabbed himself. Chad took him to the bathroom and Pasha went all by himself. Chad said he had to help Pasha pull his underwear down fast enough and move his clothing so that he didn’t pee on himself. Pasha hit his head on the toilet lid as he was trying to pull down his pants. They are pretty small for all of their independence. It will be hard for them to learn to allow us to do things for them so that they can understand we love them and will take care of them. That is why it is so important for us to feed them. They would really prefer to stuff their own mouths with the treats but at least they are willing to let us help them. It will be interesting to see how a meal goes with them.
I posted some pictures from our visit; it is really hard to get them to pose like the girls do; they just aren’t used to getting their picture taken. I will keep trying! We are so happy that the day went so well; it was an affirmation of why we are here. Tomorrow we hope to go to some second hand stores here and then Friday Anna the coordinator will come by with papers for us to sign. We still haven’t heard for sure if we pick up the boys on Monday, but are assuming this is still the case. More tomorrow….